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Things About Me That Annoy My Friends: Heavy Metal Edition

May 20, 2013


The world is a big place filled with lots and lots of people. And if there’s one thing I know about people, it’s this: they’re annoying. All of them. Myself included. As much as I’d like to think I’m an exception to that constant, I know I’m not. Hell, I annoy myself sometimes. I can only imagine the restraint my friends have had to exercise at times to not push me down a flight of stairs. I understand. And I appreciate it. And it is in gratitude of that effort that I’ve decided to periodically acknowledge some of the things about yours truly that annoy the crap out of my friends. Enjoy.

First, the facts:  I’m male, I’m white, and I play electric guitar in a band. Of course, none of those things are annoying in and of themselves, but, apparently, there are expectations that come with the combination. At least according to my friends in the band. And it is the failure to meet those expectations that brings us here today. Namely, I don’t like metal. At all. Be it heavy, speed, thrash or whatever adjective you want to put in front of it, it all sounds like soulless noise to me, for the most part. (GET OFF MY LAWN!!!)  And this is not only a bummer for my friends, it also annoys them. Greatly.

Bob Dylan, a.k.a, the bane of my wife's carpooling existence.

Bob Dylan, a.k.a., the bane of my wife’s carpooling existence. Source:

Now, in most other areas of life, I don’t think passions are aroused too greatly over the stating of simple preferences. However, I do understand it in this case. For whatever reason, people tend to hold tightly to the music they love and defend it. I’m no different. Just the other day, my wife told me that she hates when I listen to Bob Dylan in the car. Of course, my natural response was to inform her that this marriage was over.  She just laughs when I say stuff like that. She thinks it’s cute when I act like there’s a chance I could find another woman willing to put up with me. Maybe she’s right. Regardless, she bought herself a long car ride with me and Bob. Because I’m petty like that.

But I think what really gets under my friends’ skin on this particular issue is that I like so many things that are kinda sorta in the same ballpark as metal (Led Zeppelin, AC/DC), but not metal itself.  It’s like they think I’m a closeted headbanger and just need to be educated and brought out into the light…..or to the dark side; I’m not sure how that works in this case. Either way, I just don’t get it. Maybe I didn’t hear enough of it in my formative years. Maybe I just don’t have an aggressive enough personality to appreciate it. Who knows? When they hear it, they hear the sound of their youth. They connect with it and it moves them. That’s fantastic. To me, it sounds like someone stole Cookie Monster’s lunch money and he’s pissed. Yeah, I said it…

Now, of course, there are always exceptions and you can always find a song here and there you like in any genre. And here is where I learned the hard way that you should never, under any circumstance, tell hardcore Metallica fans that the only Metallica song you really like is “Enter Sandman.” Not unless you want a bass thrown at you. Hard. Apparently, that’s not REAL Metallica. Or so I’m told.

And did I stop there? Oh no. Just to fully ensure that there is a future lighting rig “accident” with my name on it, I went on to reveal that, if forced to choose, I would actually take hip hop over metal. That went over spectacularly. And, finally, when I mentioned how much I happened to like the Gin Blossoms song playing on the radio at the time in the restaurant, eyes were rolled so hard I’m surprised the earth didn’t shift on its axis. Oh, yeah, my friends are annoyed. They’re annoyed real good.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 21, 2013 3:58 am

    I’m a “hardcore” metalhead, but I found this blog hilarious!

  2. angelazpalmer permalink
    May 21, 2013 8:03 am

    So this is obviously going to be an on-going segment right? Jk. Loved it.

  3. May 21, 2013 11:29 am

    I think the argument was that you like metal, you just don’t know it….and it sounds like that annoys you…maybe you and J should go on the Dr Phil show.

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